I had to cross the Jalori pass before sunset. I had to reach Manali that night. I started from Narkanda very early in the morning. It was still dark. The road was not visible because of the fog. Hatu peak, my first destination, was still 9 kms away from Narkanda. The silver moon was my only companion. It continued to play hide and seek with me as I climbed up the way. A soft faint blue glow started melting from the darkness. The stars appeared so perfect on the elusive canvas that I wished I could touch
them.
This time I came to the hills to repair my inner scars and pain. Today, I can remember well, the time, when I almost became a mental patient. My doctor advised me to go for a change. I was suffering from a severe phobia of trusting people. Being a sensitive person, I know how it feels to trust somebody and then get cheated. I could remember that, I was very satisfied and happy with my life. And now, as I saw myself on the mirror of my safari, I could not recognise this depressing gloom on my face. I felt pity for me. I repent for the fact that I had trusted my friend; my business partner and he ruined me. I don’t know whether
was it a consequence or not but within few weeks of that I lost my love.
Rusha, my fiancée; I can still hear her voice.
-“Hi Biraj! Guess what?” She called me that afternoon. She was excited.
-“I don’t know, tell me.” It happened many times when I am upset, she has got me just from hearing my voice and made me feel sheltered. I expected that soon she would understand that I was not well. I didn’t find words how to tell her about the betrayal of my best friend.
But I was wrong this time. She kept on talking about her enjoyment in the weekend picnic and continued on praising some Arya, how he managed such a beautiful picnic spot and did all the arrangements. She did not notice even that I was in utter silence. She was ignoring me.
That was the start. Days passed. Her ignorance continued on. I realised that she was not the girl who loved me once. Now she, like a very practical one needs security and social status which I can’t afford anymore to satisfy her. The person who meant the world to me left me like a stranger.
That time, I realised in my life that I was “Alone alone all all alone... alone on a wide... wide sea”.
I was sick to trust anyone anymore; my home guard, my cook, the traffic police, the shopkeeper, the milkman, the bank employee, the pedestrian, none of them I could trust upon. Neither could I believe my doctor that going for a change will make me normal.
I reached up to the Hatu peak. The fog started disappearing slowly. As the first rays of sun came up on the horizon, fire seemed to engulf the snow capped mountain ranges. The soft golden rays caressed the green meadows, the mighty deodars and the spider-net on the blue pine. I kept marching, leaving behind the desolated huts. People will come back once the winter is over, but my trust!! - My trust will probably never come back. From nowhere, a dazzling reflection of sunlight blinded me. Being curious I went ahead. “Ah! What a beauty”. The mesmerising beauty was none other than a frozen lake. I stood there for a few minutes.
While returning I could feel that somewhere inside me, the ice was melting. I was feeling better.
The weather took a sudden turn and dark clouds became palpable in the atmosphere above; yet there was an air of tranquillity encircling the whole region. The chilly breeze made my fingers numb. Soon, snow started to fall like little grains from a bag of sugar. Within a few metres ahead, I saw a truck by the roadside. There was a man sitting beneath a deodar tree. He was rather a young boy of twenty with a semi arc of beard occupying his jaw lines. He wore kinnari topi over his unkempt hair. He waved to me and the solemn look on his face stopped me immediately.
As I went near him, he said in a sombre tone, “My truck is not starting. I need a mechanic. If you are going to Manali, tell my friend Dinesh, that I need his help. He works for Hilltop hotel.”
I told him, “Why don’t you come with me and bring a mechanic yourself?”
He smiled and said, ”Brother! Our village is running short of rations this winter. The truck is full of grains. I can’t leave my truck alone. I would better be waiting here. Please inform my friend to bring a mechanic.”
He was shivering in cold yet the faint glimmer of hope was visible in his eyes.
My phobia had just started to signal, but not for me, it was for the boy who was going to trust me.
I told him, “What if I don’t meet your friend and simply forget you?”
He smiled and said, “Brother! I don’t have any other option. If you agree to help me, I would trust you and wait here for my friend to come. And if you don’t, I will still have to wait here to trust someone else.”
Suddenly I realised that both of us were in the same boat. We both have invested our trust on people in a big way. In my past each time I have lost, but that doesn’t mean I would never gain. This time I decided, I want to gain.
I gave him my rag, a tin of biscuits and my torch. I assured him that tomorrow I would return with a mechanic.
As I drove down, I felt within myself, my inner scars were healing.
them.
This time I came to the hills to repair my inner scars and pain. Today, I can remember well, the time, when I almost became a mental patient. My doctor advised me to go for a change. I was suffering from a severe phobia of trusting people. Being a sensitive person, I know how it feels to trust somebody and then get cheated. I could remember that, I was very satisfied and happy with my life. And now, as I saw myself on the mirror of my safari, I could not recognise this depressing gloom on my face. I felt pity for me. I repent for the fact that I had trusted my friend; my business partner and he ruined me. I don’t know whether
was it a consequence or not but within few weeks of that I lost my love.
Rusha, my fiancée; I can still hear her voice.
-“Hi Biraj! Guess what?” She called me that afternoon. She was excited.
-“I don’t know, tell me.” It happened many times when I am upset, she has got me just from hearing my voice and made me feel sheltered. I expected that soon she would understand that I was not well. I didn’t find words how to tell her about the betrayal of my best friend.
But I was wrong this time. She kept on talking about her enjoyment in the weekend picnic and continued on praising some Arya, how he managed such a beautiful picnic spot and did all the arrangements. She did not notice even that I was in utter silence. She was ignoring me.
That was the start. Days passed. Her ignorance continued on. I realised that she was not the girl who loved me once. Now she, like a very practical one needs security and social status which I can’t afford anymore to satisfy her. The person who meant the world to me left me like a stranger.
That time, I realised in my life that I was “Alone alone all all alone... alone on a wide... wide sea”.
I was sick to trust anyone anymore; my home guard, my cook, the traffic police, the shopkeeper, the milkman, the bank employee, the pedestrian, none of them I could trust upon. Neither could I believe my doctor that going for a change will make me normal.
I reached up to the Hatu peak. The fog started disappearing slowly. As the first rays of sun came up on the horizon, fire seemed to engulf the snow capped mountain ranges. The soft golden rays caressed the green meadows, the mighty deodars and the spider-net on the blue pine. I kept marching, leaving behind the desolated huts. People will come back once the winter is over, but my trust!! - My trust will probably never come back. From nowhere, a dazzling reflection of sunlight blinded me. Being curious I went ahead. “Ah! What a beauty”. The mesmerising beauty was none other than a frozen lake. I stood there for a few minutes.
While returning I could feel that somewhere inside me, the ice was melting. I was feeling better.
The weather took a sudden turn and dark clouds became palpable in the atmosphere above; yet there was an air of tranquillity encircling the whole region. The chilly breeze made my fingers numb. Soon, snow started to fall like little grains from a bag of sugar. Within a few metres ahead, I saw a truck by the roadside. There was a man sitting beneath a deodar tree. He was rather a young boy of twenty with a semi arc of beard occupying his jaw lines. He wore kinnari topi over his unkempt hair. He waved to me and the solemn look on his face stopped me immediately.
As I went near him, he said in a sombre tone, “My truck is not starting. I need a mechanic. If you are going to Manali, tell my friend Dinesh, that I need his help. He works for Hilltop hotel.”
I told him, “Why don’t you come with me and bring a mechanic yourself?”
He smiled and said, ”Brother! Our village is running short of rations this winter. The truck is full of grains. I can’t leave my truck alone. I would better be waiting here. Please inform my friend to bring a mechanic.”
He was shivering in cold yet the faint glimmer of hope was visible in his eyes.
My phobia had just started to signal, but not for me, it was for the boy who was going to trust me.
I told him, “What if I don’t meet your friend and simply forget you?”
He smiled and said, “Brother! I don’t have any other option. If you agree to help me, I would trust you and wait here for my friend to come. And if you don’t, I will still have to wait here to trust someone else.”
Suddenly I realised that both of us were in the same boat. We both have invested our trust on people in a big way. In my past each time I have lost, but that doesn’t mean I would never gain. This time I decided, I want to gain.
I gave him my rag, a tin of biscuits and my torch. I assured him that tomorrow I would return with a mechanic.
As I drove down, I felt within myself, my inner scars were healing.
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